I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
