Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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