either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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