i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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