Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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