Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
