I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
