Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
