i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your penis caused this!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
