I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
