Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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