The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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