my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
