he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
