Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
