I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
