Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
