Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
