So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
