i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
