This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
