Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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