you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
