What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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