can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
