did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
