So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
