My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
