I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
well you can't waste a boner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
