O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
