The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
