ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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