i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
