hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
