drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
