JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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