Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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