Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
