well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
