i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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