so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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