He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
