If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
