just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
