wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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