Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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