I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
