Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i dont even know how to be here
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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