a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
