I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
