O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
