I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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