If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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