We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
