i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
