You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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